Avon Van Hassel

The Reading Nook: Godfather Death, MD, by Jacob Devlin

Avon Van Hassel

January 9, 2024

Full disclosure: This review will not be unbiased in any way. Full bias ahead! Jacob and I have been friends for nearly ten years, I’m his biggest fan, and I had a direct hand in this book. Now that’s out of the way, let’s dive in.

Godfather Death, MD, is the story of Danny Grimm, who suffered the loss of his parents and most of his siblings in one tragic event, ten years ago. Since then, he’s lived under the shadow of loss and public scrutiny, trying to live a normal childhood, when everyone knows his story. On the anniversary of the accident, Danny’s mysterious and estranged godfather comes back into his life, triggering a series of events that bend the laws of time and morality, and set everyone on a collision course with destiny. Danny is the only one who can fix the timeline, but it would mean an even bigger sacrifice

Characters

Danny Grimm is a teen navigating the transition out of high school, into the larger world, trying to figure out who he is. However, the citizens of Costa Linda only know him as that boy who survived the car crash that killed almost his whole family. Some even believe him cursed. He’s hot-headed, reactionary, and impulsive, but also open-minded, introspective, and sentimental. He’s a deeply wounded kid, just trying to heal and figure out where to go next.

Dr Miguel Moritz appears at this crossroad in Danny’s life, and at first, looks like he’ll be the mentor that Danny has been searching for. He’s warm, steady, easygoing, and wise, but he comes with a strict no-contact rule from Danny’s aunt, Cass. Something mysterious, something related to Miguel’s true identity, happened in the past to cause a rift between him and the Grimm family.

Macy and Logan are Danny’s best friends. Nurturing and mystical Macy and goofy-but-skeptical Logan are foils to each other, and both temper or encourage Danny’s traits. They also kind of act like a Greek chorus, foreshadowing and adding insight to the events of the story. Also, they each have some of the best lines. I love them so much. Fun fact, it was actually Macy’s tarot scene that got me involved in this project- and then I dug my claws in!

Honourable mention: the late Grimm family. Danny is the youngest of eleven kids, making the nuclear family thirteen strong. Jacob managed to give them all distinct personalities and distinguishing traits. I won’t list examples, but it’s so good.

Plot

So obviously, I’m not going to spoil what actually happens. I will say that there was one twist that completely floored me, and just flung the whole book into a completely different trajectory, and it was already unpredictable, up to that point. It follows a kind of nonlinear structure, in a way, but it also flows organically, and feels very natural. We go on an emotional journey from Costa Linda to an interdimensional (extradimensional? The literal Underworld?) space, through alternate timelines where the past, present, and future exist concurrently, and end up miles away from where we started, as changed as the characters themselves.

Themes

I won’t lie to you, this book is heavy. You all know what I’ve been dealing with over this last year, and I was critiquing this book as it was happening. Jacob hit me up in January to have a look at the opening scenes and Macy’s tarot reading, then Breanna passed in February, so for me, Godfather Death, MD and dealing with losing Breanna are inextricably linked. As the name implies, especially to those familiar with the Brothers Grimm story, this book is all about processing grief. However, it’s also about figuring out where you fit in the world, figuring out where you fit with the people around you, and also juggling public perception of your situation. Not to mention the mental and emotional changes you go through with extreme and sudden grief. It changes you, as a person.

Change is also a big theme. Danny is on the edge of adulthood, his friends are going off to college, and he’s trying to figure out his next steps. After the accident, his two surviving, much older siblings, moved away- one started a new life and one festered. That’s part of why Miguel is such a warm light- Danny doesn’t know why, at first,but Miguel is one of the few things in creation that doesn’t change and won’t leave, for better or worse, and there’s a comfort to that. More than anything else, Danny wants things to go back to the way things were…and stay that way.

Time and timelessness also feature heavily. Obviously, clocks and hourglasses are symbols of death, but the story also plays with the idea of time and how it works and what is immune, and what happens when time stops. This goes back to change, as well, because some things are not meant to stay static.

Liminality is also, well, hmm. It’s hard to explain. But that’s also liminal, isn’t it? There’s a lot of discussion of the space between things, the spaces outside of things. Things that aren’t just one thing or another, but both and neither. Time, space, relationships, personal identity- nothing is concrete or what it appears to be.

Like most of Jacob’s books, another central theme is family. The Grimms, for being a huge family, were close and tight-knit. Danny’s found family is just as important, in some ways and at some points, even more healthy and beneficial than blood relatives.

Lastly, Godfather Death, MD asks the nature of story. Is mythology inherently fictional, are imperical facts immutable? Can the details of a true story be changed or interpreted? Just because a story is made up, does that mean it’s not true?

Style

Jacob’s style is so breezy and conversational, it reads like a friend telling you the story. He usually writes for a Young Adult and Mixed Generation audience, and one thing most readers familar with his work will notice is all the swears! *gasp!* This book has Big Kid Words, for sure, but I actually feel like it adds to the pathos. Danny is an adult, he has been through a lot, and there is some mind-bending shit going on. I think he’s allowed to drop an f-bomb, if he wants to. It also highlights the anger issues he has that are very likely related to the trauma and stress he lives with. I also think it really drives home that this is not a Kid’s Book. Of course, children do deal with grief and dark matters, but this book is definitely on the older edge and quite a bit more high concept.

Conclusion

It’s taken me all day to write this post because I want to do it justice. I’m not exaggerating by saying that it’s been a huge part of my healing journey. It gave me something to do, it’s been the most ‘work’ I’ve done all year since I’m not writing. When Breanna passed, Jacob actually considered giving me some space from it, but I was like, ‘no, I need this’ lol. The biggest part of it, though, was that it was the story I needed at a time when I needed someone to know what I was going through. Danny feels like a therapy partner for me, I feel like we went through this together. And Jacob has a way of wording things I’m too unfocused to say right. He put what I was feeling into words, and that was so validating. I also connected a lot with the other characters; from Mystic Macy to Logan with his conspiracy podcast and Hardboiled Katie, Older Brother Zeke, my INFJ goth king Miguel. Everyone feels real, like someone I know.

This book is just really important to me, and I can’t say enough about it. Plus, it’s a really exciting story, on its own, and I’m so honoured that Jacob asked me to be a part of it.

I’m a very proud Fairy Godmother.

The Cauldron: Sweet Baking Spice Blend

Avon Van Hassel

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December 1, 2023

SURPRISE! We’re making pumpkin spice! I tricked you.

I can feel the squeals of delight and the groans of dismay. Neither concern me, we’re pressing on. I have a soapbox, and I will have my say.

This year, as you might have heard Starbuck crowing from the battlements, marks 20 years of the iconic Pumpkin Spice Latte, and we’re marking the occasion by looking at the highs and lows.

‘But, Avon!’ you cry, your brow furrowing. ‘Pumpkin Spice season is the fall, this is December! I’ve narrowly survived/ already moved on to Peppermint Mocha season!’

To that, I say, ‘yes, yes, yes, I know. But I have a reason. Just stick with me.’

First, of all, December is my month for recipes. I’ll explain why sometime next year. Secondly, there is no earthly reason why Sweet Baking Spice Blend should be reserved for just a few months.

Well, there is one earthly reason: marketing.

But let me start from the beginning.

The PSL

Starbucks claims to have invented the Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL) in January 2003 for their holiday drink line, though the first actual appearance seems to be late 2004. A company in Indiana claims to have invented it 3 years prior. I don’t know which I believe, and I don’t care which is right. If you guys really want to know, comment, and I’ll do a deep dive.

Regardless of who invented it first and when, it took off with a vengeance. The original recipe was a standard latte with a spice syrup, whipped cream, and topped with pumpkin pie spice. In 2015, pumpkin puree and milk were added to the standard mix, turning the drink thicker, slightly more orange, and inaccessible to people who adhere to a dairy-free diet.

More recently, a new crop of pumpkin drinks have evolved. The iced PSL, Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino, the Pumpkin Spice Chai Tea Latte, and my drink of choice, the Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew.

What is it actually?

At its heart, the PSL is a sweet, creamy, spiced espresso drink that capitalises on the association between fall and the spices used in baking. Take apple pie, spice cake, or, you know, pumpkin pie, and put that flavour in coffee. It’s easy math. No wonder it took off.

The blend of spices is commonly referred to as Pumpkin Pie Spice, and if you’ve ever made pumpkin pie, you know that to be cinnamon, cloves, ginger, allspice, and sometimes cardamom, mace, and nutmeg,

Why is it so polarising?

Well, now we’re really getting into it. The meat and potatoes. It’s obvious why so many people love it, so why do so many people hate it? It comes down to a combination of four things: personal taste, marketing, class anxiety, and our old friend, sexism.

Personal taste- ok, fine. I asked one of my more outspoken friends, real talk, where does the hate come from? And he said he doesn’t really like cinnamon. That’s fair, there’s a lot of cinnamon.

Marketing- there is no denying that there is A Lot of hype around PSL season, and not just from Starbucks. Every coffee shop I know of has their own version, now, and even just some places that sell coffee but aren’t actually coffeeshops. There are pumpkin spice truffles, pancake mix, yogurt, dog biscuits, and the infamous Spam. I don’t include home fragrance items in this list because they have always existed, tapping into the same nostalgic place as the PSL, the smell of fall baking. They have the same root, but one is not the ancestor of the other. But the ubiquitous foodstuffs of the season, even with the same name, is a direct result of the popularity of the Starbucks drink. After all, holiday spice baking is the trend, but ‘pumpkin spice’ everything has only existed in the last 20 or so years.

Not to mention that the animosity itself is part of the marketing strategy. Nothing whips up support like a rivalry. Humans love a team sport. Are you #TeamPSL or #TeamAppleCider? As if you have to choose. But Team PSL will do anything to keep the shelves and stores slinging PSL flavoured items. Myself, included.

Class anxiety- Starbucks is expensive. The PSL is expensive, and getting more expensive every year, and so many boast that they must have one every day. It’s such a part of the culture.

It’s become more than a comfort drink, a treat to celebrate the autumn. It’s a lifestyle, an event, an aesthetic of the sort of person who can wander through the riotous foliage at golden hour, taking a thousand selfies with their plaid vest, sherpa boots, expensive drink and perfect hair and makeup. And it’s almost exclusively white.

So, you can imagine the eyerolling as Yass Queen PSL Season rolls around.

But did you notice the other sneaky little thing they all have in common?

Not just white, not just middle class, but also female.

Sexism- Sweet drinks are generally considered girly, strongly flavoured drinks are girly, comforting drinks are girly. And girly is bad. Girly is weak. Girly is undignified. Girly is cringe. Even other women, the Pick Me Girls, insult their own femininity by compulsively eschewing ‘basicness’ in any form it comes in, just for the sake of it. Enter the Basic Ho, Basic Bitch, or Basic Girl, who fits the aesthetic described above in the woods and enjoys her sweet holiday drinks.

Ah shit, I have a watch and a period. Am I basic?

It’s sad, really; spiced coffee is good. But god forbid women be allowed to like anything, even something as innocuous as a coffee drink that evokes the nostalgia of autumn comfort food. I think more people, fragile men and Pick Mes, would be happier if they just enjoyed things without wondering if it made them look girly to order it.

The PSL is Not Unique

This section is not for the spice-averse. Skip ahead, cinnamon-haters. You weirdos.

I still love you, though.

Spicing drinks is a common practice in the warmer areas of the world where spices are plentiful.

A lot of history nerds are familiar with the original method of preparing hot chocolate, by the Aztec people. It was a salty, spicy, bitter drink, with chili added to give it kick. It would also have been incredibly oily, as raw cacao (not Dutch or alkali processed, like the powder we’re familiar with) contains all the cocoa butter along with the flavourful solids. It’s also roasted, so it has a lovely smoky, toasty flavour. You can get cocoa beans easily, toast them, and grind them yourself, or you can get bricks of (sweetened) hot chocolate from Hispanic markets, or even check out Crio Bru, a company that sells roasted and ground cacao to use like coffee. Just add chili and whatever other spices you want, and you’re there.

Another traditional Mexican drink is Cafe de Olla, which is coffee brewed in an olla, or large ceramic pot, sweetened with piloncillo (the modern sugarloaf), and a mix of spices, usually cinnamon, cloves, and ginger. Possibly also chili, if you’re not a wimp like me. Add cream, and you have a more watery PSL.

Then, of course, we have the queen of spiced drinks, the Masala Chai. In case you don’t know, chai simply means tea, it doesn’t necessarily have to do with spices. ‘Cha’ is the word for tea in many Asian countries (matCHA, kombuCHA, etc) including India, where the most common blends of chai come from, and where we got the associations with the spiced beverage. Again, the standard spices are cinnamon, clove, ginger, anise, and cardamon, though others are also allowed, according to regional traditions. Then, it is sweetened with sugar or honey, and sometimes cream is added. The tea version of a PSL.

For some reason, these drinks don’t inspire the hate that the PSL does. I suspect it’s the, you know, capitalism and sexism. But racism probably contributes to why they’re not as popular. With the exception of the enduring love for chai, which probably has something to do with Imperialism and Britain’s colonisation of India.

I wrote a blog post about tea in Britain, but I could definitively dive deeper, if there is interest.

Recipe

Now, it wouldn’t be a Cauldron post if I didn’t include a recipe, so we’re going to create our own Sweet Baking Spice blend for you to put wherever you fucking want to.

You’re going to need:

Sweet or Ceylon cinnamon chips
Whole cloves
Dried ginger
Cardamom pods
Mace threads
Allspice seeds
Nutmeg pods
Anise seeds
A spoon
A container, like a jar. Glass is best.

*Note: spices can still sometimes be quite pricey. If you would rather get pre powdered versions in shaker bottles or can’t, or don’t want to, get all of these, just get what you want. The only one I really suggest you try to find is the Ceylon cinnamon chips or powdered. Most cinnamon you get in the store is cassia cinnamon, or ‘hot’ cinnamon, which is much cheaper to produce. Ceylon cinnamon has a sweeter, almost creamy flavour and it really changes the profile. This list just represents the natural form these spices take, pick and choose according to your taste and budget.

Steps:

Have a sniff of all of your collected ingredients. Pick your favourite, and make it your base. For me, it’s cinnamon.
Next, pick your least favourite of your assembled spices. For me, it’s cardamom. Still essential, but I find it shines brightest in small quantities.
Pick a spoon to use as your measure. I prefer to write my recipes according to ratios, rather than precise measurements, because it’s easier to scale up and down, as needed.
Into a jar, add three scoops of your favourite spice, one scoop of your least favourite, and two scoops each of your middle favourites. For me, those are clove, ginger, and pink rose petals. Because I’m a fancy girl. (My chai blend is based on a Persian recipe)
With the handle of your spoon, mix the spices until they’re blended. Have a sniff and see if you like the balance.
Add more of the spices you need more of, keeping a tally of how many scoops you’re using, so you can recreate it later.
Once you have a blend you’re happy with, save the recipe somewhere safe, and label the jar. Store it in a cool, dark place so that the volatile oils don’t degrade.
If you have the blend in the whole forms, you can add them to loose leaf tea (a pinch will do), or to a French press, coffee basket, or reusable K Cup to spice your coffee. You can put them into a coffee grinder- or mortar and pestle, if you’re old school- and grind fine to add to espresso drinks, or any other place you put spices.
Enjoy with abandon. Seriously. Get obnoxious with it.

So, there you have it, the definitive rant on Pumpkin Spice. Go forth and enjoy the holidays with Sweet Baking Spice Blend!

The Time Machine: Sabionari

Avon Van Hassel

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November 4, 2023

In December of 2010, I went on a fieldtrip to Oxford, to the Ashmolean Museum, to pick an item from the collection on which to write an object biography. Essentially, I’d pick a historical artefact and write up how it got from its creator to the museum, and all the steps in between. Ultimately, I chose the Alfred Jewel, but during my search, I stumbled across a Stradivari guitar.

CENTRE: The Hill Guitar (so sorry for the quality. It hurts my feelings, too.)

Stradivari

Antonio Stradivari was a luthier (stringed instrument maker) from the late 1600s-early 1700s. He was born in 1644, in Cremona, in the Duchy of Milan (before Italy was unified) to an old Cremonese family. He might have apprenticed for another famous luthier, Nicola Amati, though records of his life are sparse and hotly disputed. At the beginning of his career, he was making small violins, similar to others available at the time. His signature style developed slowly over time, with innovation and experimentation, and his reputation grew. The golden period was characterised by a larger body and larger patterns, and a darker, orangish varnish. He died on December 18, 1737, at the age of 93, having made instruments for 75 years. He was buried in the Church of San Domenico, in Cremona.

Stradivari Guitars

During his career, he created over 1,100 instruments, almost a thousand of which were violins. Of those, about half remain. He also made a few guitars, and reports vary as to how many of those are still around. I hear there are five or six, and I know of two, for sure: the Hill Guitar, which I have seen, and Sabionari.

Sabionari

Sabionari was likely crafted in 1679, and it is the only remaining guitar that is still playable. It is identifiable by its thorny curls on the bridge and the beautiful rosette and sound hole.

Johanne’s guitar

Lady Johanne Greenstalk is known, in part, for her beautiful guitar. She can play pianoforte, like any lady, but her true love is her guitar, which she often accompanies with her own voice. It has a flat back, like Sabionari, and not a bowl back like a lute, and was made my the finest luthier in the Capital, as a gift from her uncle, George.

The Writing Desk: Critiques

Avon Van Hassel

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October 7, 2023

One of the questions I get asked a lot is how to improve your actual writing. The answer is many-parted, and none of them are nice. I wish there were a filter you could put on a word processor to make the words prettier, but there isn’t. It comes down to hard work, vulnerability, and listening. You’re going to swallow a lot of your pride.

I will write other posts in future with more ideas, but the first and best solution is to put your work up for critique. Think of it as a soft launch or a Hollywood premier- you give your work to total strangers and see what they think.

Yes, I said strangers. Let me tell you why.

Your family loves you, your friends love you, that coworker who knows you’re writing a book and is super supportive loves you. These people know that this is important to you and they want you to be successful. But most of all, they love you. The last thing they want to do is hurt your feelings or make you doubt yourself. So they tell you everything they love about it, glowing praise on every page. But where they struggle is in realising that that is the opposite of helping.

Goodreads and Amazon readers don’t love you. They don’t know you. They don’t care about your feelings. They paid money for a book, and by god, it had better be best thing they ever paid $8 for or they are going to leave a 1-star review to warn other potential victims.

I have no doubt that your book is good, that you poured years of your heart and soul into it, that you stayed up all night editing it. I also have no doubt that it is far from perfect. Nothing is. My books certainly aren’t. So, there is always more to do, to tweak, to polish and perfect.

The easiest way to find critiquers is to join an online community, like Scribophile. You can also do it the old-fashioned way, like asking friends for recommendations of who they know who might be interested in reading. The farther away from you, the better.

I know it’s scary to ask strangers to rip apart your baby, and it’s hard to trust. It was hard for me, too. But hear me out.

First of all, on critique sites, you partner with people, often in critique groups, or in a one-to-one exchange. People there are far more interested in getting their own work perfected than stealing your imperfect manuscript. Also, working with these people this closely forms bonds, and friendships develop. These are different relationships than regular friends because they began with honest feedback and a genuine desire to help you fix your work. Some of my closest friends I met on Scribophile and while we chat about everything under the sun now, they’re still among the first people I ask for advice, and they don’t hold back.

If you’re still not sure you can trust a stranger, you can do a few things.

the best thing to do is have a conversation with the person who will be looking at your piece. Try to get a feel for them and be honest about what you’re looking for.
Draw up a contract. Get some kind of understanding in writing. Sometimes, just putting a signature down is enough to keep people honest and make you feel safer.
Lastly, (and you should do this anyway) print off a copy of your full manuscript, put it in an envelope, and mail it to yourself. NEVER OPEN IT. This is called a Poor Man’s Copyright, or a Postal Service Copyright. I don’t know if this is legally binding in other countries, but it is in the US. Essentially, you’ve made the Postal Service a witness; that way, if someone tries to publish your work as their own, you have proof that you wrote it first and the stamp will back you up. But it’s void if you open it, so put it somewhere safe and leave it alone.

The three published girls, and one I’ve worked on for too long

Now that you’re protected, how do you even go about asking? Well, the sites obviously are designed around getting matched up, so they make it easy to find people, but you still have to start the conversation. Often, a user can just browse work up for critique, at which point, you’ll find someone after they’ve already started critiquing. In this instance, you start by thanking them for their time and consideration, then follow up with questions and clarifications about their feedback. If you like the way they critique or their ideas, you can ask if they wouldn’t mind looking at other pieces (chapters, other projects, etc).

If you want to start fresh directly, the best way is to start with an email. Thank the person for offering to help and thank them in advance for their time. Lay out the concerns you know you have about your manuscript (don’t look at me like that, you know the areas you’re not super confident about), the kind of feedback you’re looking for, and any questions or advice you’d like.

For instance, I know I struggle with pacing and also setting description. Often, I ask for critiques very early on in the drafting process when the prose is sloppy and the spelling is atrocious, and that’s because I want feedback on big picture ideas before I flesh out the details: does the plot work, are the characters believable, is it FUN to read? I don’t need line edits or ideas about tighten up the scenes. Lastly, maybe there’s one plot hole I just can’t get around, or I’m not sure I handled a certain issue well, and I’m open to suggestions.

If you’d like a separate blog post on types of critique and what to look for in a critiquer, let me know.

So once you have the feedback, it’s time to use it. Always thank the person for their time, even if you don’t like what they said, be gracious. Critiquing is hard, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Now, here’s the hard part. Ideally, you shouldn’t start making changes until you have at least three critiques and the reason why is numbers. If one person thinks you should change something, that’s an opinion. Just the opinion of one reader. But if multiple people think you should change, that’s a consensus. Always carefully consider these the strongest. If you’re willing to fight for something- for reasons other than because you like it or you had fun writing it- then you should keep it. You know your story better than anyone. But be sure you know why you’re keeping something your readers want you to change, and make sure it’s a good reason.

On the other hand, if only one person hates something, and they make a good enough point, go ahead and change. Go with your gut. But this is the time to take a step back and be objective. Once you have an audience, the story is no longer your baby, you have to remove emotion and sentimentality and see it as a product you plan to sell. That doesn’t mean to sell out completely and go fully commercial, but the point of market research is to see what your readers want so you can give it to them. It’s still your story, but here is where you make it marketable.

It’s going to be hard, you’re going to have to swallow a lot of pride and likely delete a lot of your favourite parts, but that’s the life. You can do it! And you’ll be so proud of it when it’s done.

The Writing Desk: 5 Years of Magic Beans

Avon Van Hassel

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September 21, 2023

So, this snuck up on me, like most things do, these days. I knew the anniversary was coming up, but I thought it was four years, not five. I set up the sale (41% in the US, 52% in the UK, Kindle version of Magic Beans), I scheduled all the social media posts, but I was just celebrating the anniversary in general. It was meant to be a sort of farewell to the Covid era that derailed my writing and publishing schedule, not anything special. But then I did the math, and it turns out- hey, did you guys know that it’s 2023 already?? That’s kind of a big deal!

The Storybook: Sleeping Beauty

Avon Van Hassel

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August 4, 2023

The story

A beautiful maiden is cursed by an evil fairy to fall into a deep sleep from which only true love’s kiss can wake her.

History of the story

Like a lot of our most recognisable fairytales, this one was first published in more or less its current form by Gianbattista Basile, later adapted by Charles Perrault, and ultimately printed by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, before being animated by Disney.

The earliest form was included in a set of stories called Perceforest, which had a very Celtic theme, drawn and inspired by the chroniclers of Arthurian legend. This version involved impossible tasks, outlandish curses, a notorious sexual assault, and a removal of an enchanted flax seed as the thing that woke her.

Basile’s version is very dark, and is called, ‘Sun, Moon, and Talia.’ Talia’s father asks soothsayers to predict her future, and is told that flax will be dangerous to her. Flax is a grain, spun to make linen. She does indeed prick her finger on a splinter of flax and falls into a deep sleep, which her father thinks is her death. In his grief, he boards up the palace and leaves. Sometime later, a passing king enters the palace and comes across sleeping Talia. He assaults her, and leaves her there. She eventually gives birth to twins, and one of them sucks the flax out of her finger, waking her up. She is startled to find that she has children, as anyone would be, and she names the children Sun and Moon. The king, like the absolute worst kind of creep (remember, he thinks she’s dead, which makes him not only a rapist, but a necrophile), returns to her. Somehow, they fall in love, despite… all of that, and he promises to come back again for her.

Back in his kingdom, the queen, his actual wife, overhears him sleeptalking about Talia, Sun, and Moon, and she gets the royal secretary to tell her what’s up. She forges a letter to Talia, asking her to send the children for a visit, and when they get there, instructs the cook to kill them and cook them for the king. The cook, understandably, does not do that, and hides the kids, cooking lamb, instead. The king enjoyed his dinner and the queen mocks him for eating his own children. Later, she invites Talia herself to come over to be burned alive, but the king figures it out and instead, burns the queen and her co-conspirators. The cook is fine though because he was cool, and the king eventually marries Talia.

Yeah, so that’s a gross one.

Perault’s version starts off pretty recognisably. A king and queen welcome a baby girl and invite seven fairies to bless the child. An eighth, older fairy shows up, and is aggreeably seated with the others. She had been living alone in a tower for so long, everyone had thought her dead, so that’s why she wasn’t invited initially. Six fairies gave their blessings for grace and beauty, and by then the old fairy was pissed. So she cursed the girl to prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel, and DIE.

The last fairy amended this by transmuting the death into a very deep sleep that would last a hundred years, and could be broken at that time by a prince. Kiss not specified.

Naturally, all the spinning wheels in the kingdom are destroyed, which we have to assume impacted the textiles economy because spinning my hand take a long time, y’all. The princess lives her life, but in her teens comes across an old woman, spinning on a spinning wheel in the palace. She reaches out to touch it and pricks her finger, fulfilling the curse. The princess is carried to the finest room in the palace and the king orders the last fairy to appear. She guesses that the princess will be freaked out in a hundred years to wake alone, so the fairy puts everyone to sleep, and builds fortifications around the palace: trees and brambles, etc.

A hundred years pass, and a prince stumbles upon the palace. His men tell him the legend of a beautiful princess trapped inside. The prince does what princes do and hack’n’slashed his way in and finds the princess. Overcome by her beauty, he falls to his knees, which breaks the spell.

Cuter, right? Basile needed help.

The princess falls in love instantly and the two chat while the palace attendants wake up. The two marry in secret, and she has two kids Aurora (aww) and Jour, or ‘dawn’ and ‘day’ in English.

Unbeknownst to the prince, his mother was part ogre, so when the prince becomes the king, the queen mother orders the cook to kill and cook Jour, but again, the cook is cool and cooks lamb instead. She then orders him to cook Aurora, but he cooks a kid (goat) instead. She orders him to kill the queen, but he serves a hind (deer) instead. The queen mother eventually catches on and gets a tub together full of snakes and bugs and all sorts, but the king returns home, sees the absolute chaos going on, realises that his mum is an ogress, and she throws herself into the tub, and is eaten. The king, queen, and children live happily ever after.

Now the Grimms called theirs Little Briar Rose, and it doesn’t have the second part with all the cannibalism, though they did include a cannibalistic evil mother-in-law in a separate story. Scholars think that was inspired by St Brynhild, and despite being German, they didn’t really like it. And they departed from the Germanic-ness again, by having the waker kiss the beauty, which was not an element of Germanic stories at the time. The also converted the fairies into wise women.

Tchaikovsky

The Tchaikovsky version follows the Perault version pretty closely, with a few glorious exceptions. The fairies all have delightful names, with the most important being the Lilac Fairy. The evil fairy is called Carabosse, the prince is named Desirée, and notably, the princess is name Aurora (which Disney copyrighted in 2007, causing quite the uproar). The Lilac Fairy chooses the prince herself, and Puss in Boots is at the wedding. Tchaikovsky really was a madman.

But mostly, I just wanted to talk about a piece in Act 1 (Les Quatre Fiancés de le Princesse Aurore), called No. 6, Grand Valse Villageoise (The Garland Waltz). Or as we’ve known it since 1959, ‘Once Upon a Dream.’ That’s right, folks, even if you’ve never seen The Nutcracker, Swan Lake, or any of the ballets that Tchaikovsky actually liked, you are at least familiar with this one.

Sleep

So why is this relevant (besides me just professionally appreciating fairytales)? Well, the next book in my series is called Sleep, for now, and explores many of the same themes. We have a maiden shut away from the world for her own good, we have a powerful evil, deep enchanted sleep, and a battle to uncover hidden secrets.

That’s all I can say for now. You’ll just have to wait and see. But not a hundred years, I wouldn’t do that to you 😉

The Writing Desk: How Much of YOU to Write

Avon Van Hassel

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July 1, 2023

The last few years, there has been a lot of discussion about diversity and representation in media, particularly around how race and gender are written in movies, tv shows, and books. Because of this, a lot more people from marginalised communities are speaking up and having their voices heard. Not only are their criticisms and calls for change being listen to and acted on, they themselves are becoming a larger and more visible demographic in those spheres. We love to see it.

So, how do you get in on it?

Number one, if you’re not a member of a historically silenced group: the best thing you can do is listen genuinely and honestly. Take the feedback you receive and act on it. Also, avoid writing about issues that those groups struggle with. For instance, if you are white, you can -and should!- write a racially diverse cast, but the story and those characters’s whole purpose, should not be ABOUT race. Write about love, greed, ambition, loss, friendship, etc- but not racial identity and struggle. That’s not an area you’re close enough to, and you need to step back and leave room for a more qualified person to speak their truth.

If you ARE from a historically silenced group, write your truth. You should also avoid writing about the struggles of people outside of what you have experience with. You don’t have to write about struggle, of course, you are more than your otherness and more than your trauma, but that well of identity is powerful, and your experiences and feelings could fill a void and be validating for someone else who has been waiting to see their story in print. If you don’t see the book you want to read on the shelf, write it. If you want to be a writer because you have a story to tell, don’t be scared and don’t hold back. Say it with your whole chest. The world needs your story.

So how much should you tell? If you’re not writing an autobiography, you likely don’t want to tell every detail of the story. And you’re right, not every little detail is necessary, in fact, a lot of it will just bog everything down.

So, how do you decide what to say?

Well, first of all, remember that a book follows certain guidelines. First and foremost is plot. Story comes before everything else. So, cut the funny lines that don’t add anything, or the quirky little coincidences. Real stories are meaty enough that you can streamline them without losing the complexity. one or two moments of irrelevant flavour here and there are fine

What about characters?

Real people are so complex and multifaceted that it’s overwhelming to think about what virtues and vices to give fictional ones to bring them to life. Recently, I was asked to list my hobbies, and I almost cried. Now, I’m a real person- I have decades of life to fill up, but a fictional character only has so many pages, most of which are dictated by the plot. You need the reader to understand who they are at their core very quickly for the events of the story to feel real.

So pick one trait to be your main quality, the one that guides all of the mundane decisions. After that, three positive or neutral traits which inform the small decisions. Lastly, two flaws which- and this is the important part- decide the major choices. That sounds backwards, I know, but think about it.

Let’s say your character is Ambitious, first. She might also be healthy, honest, and friendly- she’s a real go-getter. But she also can be a bit petty and maybe has a temper.

She goes about her day like champ, mowing down her routine like it’s nothing. Her coworkers want to go to a new pizza place for lunch. She’s trying to eat lighter because it makes her feel better, and she says so, so she checks to see if the place had lighter options. They do, so everyone goes out. She even decides to invite the new girl who everyone is awkward around, the more the merrier. However, at lunch, the new girl mentions that she doesn’t see the point in going to a pizza place just to order a salad. Your character gets irritated and considers not invite the girl out again, or snubbing her altogether.

Your mundane choices, like whether or not to do everyday tasks, those are low stakes, there’s no dilemma, so your higher angels are in control without even thinking about it. For small choices, we can usually rely on our other traits to take care of that. But when we really struggle to do the right thing, it’s because our worst traits are in direct conflict with what we know the right thing is. If it wasn’t, the choice wouldn’t be be difficult. This is what creates conflict, which is the driving force behind plot.

I know it’s difficult to trim your glorious multifaceted complexity down to what feels like a paper doll, but it makes the story much more crisp and clear. If the story doesn’t have to do with gaming, you don’t need to mention your favourite video games. Unless fashion is important to the plot, you don’t need to describe what you are wearing. You can be fit into the story without losing your authenticity.

It takes some trial and error to get the balance right, but try to highlight what is relevant to the plot and subplots, and sprinkle the rest in very conservatively, for flavour.

The Storybook: Greek Muses and Calliope

Avon Van Hassel

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May 6, 2023

So, every so often (usually when Facebook won’t let me share posts to my author page), I poll the Misfits about the kind of posts they’d like to see me write about. One of the most popular ideas was mythology related to gods and spirits ruling over the domain of creativity. So, who better to start with than the actual Muses?

*sigh* Full disclosure, I’m not an ancient historian or a classicist. Yes, I have a degree in archaeology; yes, I’m a big nerd whose favourite hobby is research; and yes, I am a pagan who kinda-sorta works with one of the Muses. None of that makes me an expert in Greek mythology or history. There is so much, you guys. The problem with ancient stories and religion is that their history is long, complicated, and shifts wildly over time and region.

Just thinking about someday having to talk about Thoth (or, really, any Egyptian) makes my chest feel tight and my eyes moist. I mean, I’ll do it, but the dread is real.

So, with that in mind, let’s lower the expectations, and move forward.

The Muses, like a lot of figures in Greek mythology, likely predate Greek culture, and might come from the Thracian Empire, which recognised 3 Muse-like figures. It seems like we decided ultimately on 9, mostly because famous poets like Homer said there were 9.

HISTORY OF THE MUSES

The Nine Muses we know today are Calliope, Clio, Euterpe, Thalia, Melpomene, Terpsichore, Erato, Polyhymnia, and Urania. They are said to be children of Zeus and Mnemosyne, who is, yes, Zeus’ aunt. It’s fine, let’s move on.

There is way too much history and way too many myths to go into, so if this area interests you, please let me know, and I can set aside time to write a longer post. The important takeaway is that they are the personifications and patronesses of specific forms of art.

This post, I’m going to just focus on some general overview, how to appeal to them, and the Queen of the Muses, Calliope. There is a lot to say about all nine, and I don’t have the time or energy to devote to all of them in one post. Plus, Calliope is my fave, and I want to give her her own post.

Calliope

Bonus Athena and Arachne, which is my fave myth

Calliope is my very, very favourite. I have a print of her that I bought in Athens, above my writing chair.

Named Chief of the Muses by Hesiod and Ovid, Calliope is the Muse of eloquence and epic poetry. She is argued to be the muse that Homer invokes at the beginnings of the Iliad and Odyssey; Ovid’s Aeneid; and, one has to assume, the one Shakespeare meant at the beginning of Henry V.

Her name means, ‘beautiful voice,’ and her symbols are traditionally a lyre, and also a tablet and stylus, and she is often depicted wearing a red shawl. Sometimes, she has books or scrolls, like a nerd, or wearing a crown, and often posing with her children. She is said to be the wisest and most assertive of the Nine Muses.

She is the mother of Orpheus (yes, that Orpheus) and Linus (possibly by her half-brother, Apolo, or Oeagrus, a king of Thrace (though her sisters, Clio and Polyhymnia are also sometimes listed at the boys’ mothers by King Oeagrus. Confusing, right?)). She also apparently has a bunch of daughters by Oeagrus, called Oeagrides. Sometimes she is credited with bearing the Corybantes by Zeus (yes, her father). Some call her the mother of the sirens by Achelus, which I personally love, and possibly also Rhesus by Strymon. Both of these fathers are river gods.

She was prolific.

How to honour or invoke Calliope in modern life for your writing

If you are writing a book, an epic poem, or you need help choosing your words carefully and being assertive, call on Calliope. You can do this, as the classics did, by invoking her at the beginning of your piece. You can also make an offering of wine and honey, or by reading or writing an epic poem in her honour.

The Writing Desk: Stealth Mode

Avon Van Hassel

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April 1, 2023

Every year, I poll my Misfits on Facebook and ask what topics they’d like me to cover in the coming year. Inevitably, someone will ask about time management. My very best advice is the Pomodoro Method, but sometimes, despite your best intentions, you just can’t seem to find the time.

A Personal Update: January-March, 2023

Avon Van Hassel

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March 31, 2023

*Content warning, this post deals with themes of death- including that of animals- and grief. None of it violent, but it may be upsetting to some, all the same*

January

January started, honestly, the best it has started in years. I got some energy in my stocking for Christmas and used it to batch and plan all of my social media for the whole year, including all of my blog posts, Facebook and Instagram posts, YouTube scripts, and newsletters. I even wrote a little on January 1st. I honestly haven’t had so good a January, in years.

February

February 7 was one of the worst days of my life.

Even now, writing this at the end of March, I’m struggling to find the words. I’ve written and talked so much about it, but so much of it stills doesn’t feel real.

A friend of mine had had a rough weekend, so I had spent the Monday wrapped up with him, trying to get to the bottom of what was going on with him. However, I realised that I hadn’t heard from my best friend, Breanna, in a while. That wasn’t fully unusual- we all knew that we’d been muted years ago and that sometimes she would do a social media detox for 24 hours or so to deal with her anxiety. When my messages were still going unseen more than 24 hours later, I started to get worried.

Breanna had therapy on Tuesday mornings, but my worry was getting too much for me, so I got my mum to go with me early to check on her. When we arrived at her house, I found her front door unlocked, and her sitting in her chair by the door, passed away.

The next few days are a blur. We called 9-1-1, and I got to work notifying as many people as I could think of. Our friend, Katrina, came up from LA the next day to help us catch and find homes for Breanna’s cats. I’m so indebted to Katrina and their Kitten Rescue Los Angeles connections, that I can’t adequately express it. Breanna loved the hell out of those cats, she wouldn’t have wanted them to just be abandoned.

Also, the day after we found Breanna, her house was broken into, and all of her electronics and her purse were stolen. I didn’t care about the value of the items, but her list of medications were on her phone and tablet, and she would have been signed into Tumblr on her laptop, so that was a whole community of people who wouldn’t know what happened to her. Not to mention the My Favorite Redhead episodes that she had yet to edit and upload. I had hoped to finish them as a tribute to her.

To this day, March 31, we don’t know what happened to her. As far as we know, the coroner hasn’t even started investigating. She is a big hole in my life that is impossible to navigate around. I cannot exaggerate how much of my life she was involved in. RenFaire, mermaiding, rollerskating, our religions, our podcast- she was even the editor for my books. I saw her 4 days a week, we’d been friends for over 20 years, she spent holidays at our house.

March

While all of this was happening, Cassie was rapidly losing weight. She had had digestive issues and was on a special diet, but around Christmastime, she started losing weight and I was just keeping an eye on it. The loss became dire at the beginning of February, and every day was a struggle getting her to eat anything at all. Eventually, I took her to the vet for an appetite stimulant and the vet instead found an enormous tumour attached to her liver. In her weakened state, we didn’t think she would even survive the car ride to LA to see a specialist, even if we could afford it. And she had zero chances of surviving the operation. In the end, I had to make the decision to say good-bye. I had had her for 13 years, from the day she was born in our pool shed to the day she passed at the vet’s office. In the end, I lost my two best friends inside a month.

From the day I announced on Facebook about Breanna’s passing to today, the outpouring of love and affection has been overwhelming. The way we deal with grief in our society is so strange. So many people offered to help in physical ways like offering to bring us food, even more offered to be available emotionally. So many people asked what they could do to help, and I just…I didn’t know what I needed, I wanted desperately to ask for help, to let these people hold me up and carry me, but I didn’t know what to ask for. I can cook and do laundry- grief doesn’t stop me doing that. And I can’t keep saying the same thing over and over in each individual chat. So, how can they help? Just by default, I had to isolate. I didn’t want to, I didn’t feel like a burden who had to carry the weight alone, I just didn’t know how to identify what I needed, let alone form the words to ask.

Luckily, some friends I do have in town took the reins. One friend invited me to a pizza party to meet his friends, and another decided that we were going to join a book club. Both things were very fun and I enjoyed myself very much.

Since then, I have lost a cousin, and another friend lost their dog who I loved very much. Also, one of Breanna’s cats, her beloved Mochi, was too ill from a long illness, and couldn’t be saved, even after he made his long journey to the FELV suite at KRLA. So, it’s just not been a great time, really.

But it’s not all bad news. A couple of days after Cassie passed, I made the decision to adopt another cat. Some people wait a while to get a new baby, but the silence and the emptiness of my room was just shredding my mind. I couldn’t take it, I’m built to have a cat. I already had Cassie when my previous cat passed, I had never been without a cat for 25 years. So, I did some research, and friends and family kept and eye out, and eventually, we found a little all black soot sprite in Fresno. I filled out the adoption form, and the next day, we went and picked her up. My little Artemisia feels like a fresh start, a new beginning. I call her my voidbaby, not just because she is solid black, but because she works hard to fill a void in me. We were told that she was shy almost to the point of having special needs, but almost immediately, she started purring and making biscuits, and in just a few days, she was exploring and playing. Shy, yes, but she is trying hard to settle in with us, and I’m just so happy to have her.

Finally, last week, I catsat for my Katrina, while they were showing at WonderCon. It was a delicious little vacation, with beautiful weather, darling babies, and all the rose matcha boba floats I could keep down. They also talked me into starting Stardew Valley, so that was an even deeper escape.

So, the beginning if 2023 has been a rollercoaster with gradual inclines and steep drops. I’m not ok, and I’m not going to be for a long, long time. I may never be. But I’m not alone, I have a fantastic support network, I have a therapist, I have a new love, and I have my work. I’m not sure I would say things are looking up, but I’m working hard to keep my head above water. And before you worry about me pushing everything down, I am taking time to grieve and feel my feelings when they come up. I’m just not letting them paralyse me. I worked too hard to claw my way out of my Covid depression, and I don’t want to go back there.

Camp NaNo

I’ve written about Camp NaNo before, but since I’m not sharing that, this year, I’m going to touch briefly on it, here. National Novel Writing Month is an event held every November, where you try to write a 50,000 word fiction novel in 30 days- start to finish, single author. Camp NaNo is two events in the spring and summer (April and July), where the rules are a but relaxed. You can set your own word count goal, write whatever you want, and in July, you even get an extra day. It’s for the aspiring writer for whom NaNoWriMo is too intimidating.

This year, I will be working on my fourth Beanseller novel, and hopefully get it off the ground.